Wahoo Man Flips Out, Tries To Run Down Cops With Semi-Tractor
It’s an absolute treat when reality bends and twists to the breaking point and then SNAPS into a fractured version of the real world. Well, it’s a treat as long as you’re not a victim. If you aren’t a victim and something goes strange, you can stand back on your heels and just be a witness, enjoy it, whether you’re recording the incident or not. We’d prefer you document any serious breaks with normalcy, as long as nobody gets killed, anyway. We don’t like to see people getting killed or even seriously injured, unless, of course, they’re bullfighters, or the fuckwits who “run with the bulls,” or other sorts of monsters.
Wahoo Man Charged With Attempted Murder
The headline about an incident in Wahoo, NE on the Omaha World-Herald website was: “Wahoo man charged with attempted murder after ramming police cruisers with semi.” I take this to mean a semi-tractor. Ya know, ya got a semi-tractor and a semi-trailer, and apparently this tractor had no trailer attached to it.
Now, unattached semi-tractors are surprisingly fast. I think that’s probably why it was an attempted murder charge — the deputy probably just got out of the way in time. Sadly, there was no video of this event, so we dug up a gif that’ll give you an idea what the action was like that evening.
Here’s what happened according to Kevin Cole, staff writer for the Omaha World-Herald: Police and deputies converged on an unnamed guy’s place responding to a domestic disturbance call. As they approached the guy’s place he came at ’em with a semi-tractor, tried to run them down. As you can see from the photo, he hit both the police and Sheriff’s cars, totaling them. All three vehicles landed in some poor schmuck’s yard. The perp came at the cops with a baseball bat “before being taken into custody,” as the police spokesman put it. Sounds like rockin’ a baby to sleep.
The World-Herald reports: “The man also was charged with second-degree assault of a police officer, two counts of use of a weapon to commit a felony and two counts of criminal mischief over $5,000.” Okay, this is an example of something being grammatically correct but clunky. Find another way to say it even if you have to split an infinitive, Kevin. “The man was also charged…” is the way it should have been. And never forget the Oxford comma.
And here’s where the Omaha reporter demonstrates he doesn’t understand how bail works. He wrote: “A Saunders County judge set the man’s bail at 10% of $500,000. He must pay $50,000 to be released from jail.” No. His bail was set at $500.000. A bail bondsman charges 10% to put up the bond. Don’t be afraid to ask questions when you’re not clear on things, Kevin.
Damn the luck. Gift of the Magi.
If the guy hadn’t fucked up his tractor, he could have borrowed against it to make bail. Damn the luck. Gift of the Magi. The Old Man and the Sea.
Here’s what pissed me off about this “news” story: At no point was it reported whether or not, as the guy was hurtling towards the cops in his semi-tractor, if he screamed WAAAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!” How could you leave that out? Okay, maybe Kevin didn’t know either way, but he should have reported that was the case. It’s the question in anybody’s mind when they read this, if they have an ounce of imagination. Did the reporter even think to ask?
And thus the state of “journalism” these days folks; a reporter with no curiosity.