Okay, it starts out stupid and then just morphs into idiocy. First, Ellen DeGeneres made a guy-ish joke about a brunette bombshell’s tits, and that was enough to offend a bunch of people. They were able to huff up a little mild outrage about it, but it’s not like anybody fails to notice that skank’s tits.

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Ellen Oogles Bombshell’s Boobs

Oops. Can calling her a skank be grounds for a defamation suit? (You’ll see why I would think of that in a minute.) I don’t know, so I’m “walking back” that comment; she’s probably a very nice and respectable person. Yeah, I’m virtually retracting that noun “skank,” and replacing it with the phrase “young woman.” Because I guess a young woman could claw her way to the top of the music business through the violent mobs of glitzy Hollywood wannabes and retain her dignity, integrity, and decency. I mean, it would have to at least be possible, right?

In any case, DeGeneres was apparently on a roll with the titty thing. On her show she then made fun of some real estate broker and the day after the singer/titty gag, a lawsuit was filed against DeGeneres and her company for defamation and harassment and whatever else they could think of. Look, I don’t read these things very carefully and details frequently escape me. I don’t know when it actually happened but they showed the real estate woman’s name and phone number on TV. Her name was Titi Pierce. And on the DeGeneres show they pronounced it like anybody would, “titty.” Actually, you might be puzzled how to pronounce it, but any English speaking human is going to at least think “titty,” even while not believing that could be the pronunciation.

elen5-300x249 Lesbian Showbiz Hack Embraces Her Inner Bully, Titty Trouble Ensues
No, not that kind of suit, Ellen.

So, as people will do, the idiots and miscreants who comprise “the public” started calling the woman (it was her cell phone number the TV show exposed) and giving her a bunch of shit. Well, who wouldn’t? But this was a real disruption in the woman’s life and, we can assume, her business. Oh yeah, unfortunately, or for purposes of the lawsuit, fortunately, she was at a family funeral when the calls started coming in. It’s almost like she planned it for the suit, but she couldn’t have. How could she have known an asshole would decide to make fun of her name on national TV and then allow her phone number to show? She couldn’t have.

Here’s a fun quote from one of the news stories, I forget which. The lawsuit reads: “Ms. Pierce has been called only by her name ‘Titi,’ which, as grammar dictates, is pronounced ‘TEE TEE.’”  Except NO, that’s NOT what “grammar dictates.” If it were spelled “Tee Tee,” then it would be pronounced that way. In “Titi,” those are short “i’s” pronounced “tih tih.” As in “fit,” or “bit.” That’s how you pronounce a short “i” assholes, whether you try to insist on “TEE TEE” or not. Look, you wouldn’t name your daughter “Cunty,” would you? Or Cuntathena so her nickname would be Cunty and then try to insist people pronounce it “koonty.” No, you’re not stupid.

But whoever decided to name her Titi was being kind of stupid. God help her if she had to grow up in America with that name, but if she did, she’d be well aware of where people would go with it. What if she was named after Lake Titicaca? I’m going to embed a 15 second youtube video here and you can listen to how Lake Titicaca is pronounced. Spoiler alert! It’s “titty-kaka.”

Anyway, nothing to get upset about here. This is just what Hollywood assholes do. They ridicule people and businesses and institutions for laughs; fuck you if you don’t like it. Hollywood is a bully, or didn’t you notice? Kimmel, Colbert, and whichever Seth you pick, Meyers, Rogen, McFarland, they’re all asshole bullies. If they think they can get a laugh, they’ll do it, no matter whose expense it’s at.

We’ll never hear the outcome of that lawsuit. They’ll settle out of court for an “undisclosed amount,” DeGeneres will emerge unhappy but unscathed, and Titi will pocket a nice wad of dough. A win-win, I suppose.

Here, you want poetic justice? When she gets that settlement I hope Titi takes it in cash and shoves it down the front of her shirt between her titties. HA.

How you like them titties, Ellen?

M. Nick