tomato_brawl-150x150 19 Year Old Woman Throws Fit Over Tomatoes, Lands In SlammerA family brawl broke out over tomato in some unnamed place.  We censored the photo of the perp, and any names of people or places in this piece.This young woman is 19 years old and there’s no reason for our report to follow her around on the internet for the rest of her life. She’s in enough trouble. Plus, she’s a nice looking gal. No signs she’s an alky or speed freak. She appears to be a regular girl next door. Oh, except for going berserk.

By all reports, she completely lost her mind.

As far as I can tell from the news report on the Smoking Gun, four or five people were having a family dinner when the shit hit the fan. We don’t know what the familial relationships were, but some were related and a couple of them were old. One of those present lived in a shed in the back yard. Apparently the perp wanted more tomato and was refused. She was demanding more tomato than her “fair share.” By all reports, she completely lost her mind. She started yelling obscenities and throwing shit.

More Questions Than Answers.

But we have some questions. For one thing, how much tomato was “her share?” The reporter (HAHAHAHAhahahaha, like this story is the result of a reporter actually asking questions) didn’t ask tomato_brawl-150x150 19 Year Old Woman Throws Fit Over Tomatoes, Lands In Slammerthe witnesses what anybody’s share was. As usual: More questions than answers. No surprise, of course, considering what journalism has become; rewriting police reports. Did everybody get an equal share of tomato? Or was there some sort of merit based system which determined how much tomato each individual got?

As usual, we have no answers from this news story on the important questions. Whichever way they divvied up the tomato in this tribe, was the assailant shorted in the deal? Or was she overstepping her vegetable boundaries?

By the way, tomatoes are not technically vegetables because they have seeds. Tomatoes are actually fruit. This fact will turn out to have nothing to do with the story at hand.

Who really started this melee?

In any case the “news story” didn’t list what everybody’s tomato allotment was supposed to be. It also failed to list how much tomato each person actually got. I don’t see how we, a jury of her peers, can make any sense of what happened. Who really started this melee? Was the young woman unjustly denied her fair share of tomato? Or did she get grabby? What brand was the pack of smokes she pegged at “a 73-year-old female relative,” hitting her in the eye? That vital information was not forthcoming.

She wasn’t through. She threw a bottle of water at her grandfather and then chased him outside with a knife. She told him, “Motherfucker, I’ll stab you in in your fucking face,” as she began to “poke the knife towards his face.”

So she landed in the slam.

Unsurprisingly, the cops came and arrested her. She was charged with Battery on a person over age 65, and Aggravated Battery with a Deadly Weapon, two felonies. So she landed in the slam. Later she bailed out of jail by posting $18,000 bond. My murky understanding of bail bonds is they pay 10% to a bail bondsman on their promise to appear. Where the 19 year old got 1800 bucks, we don’t know. [By the way, there’s no surveillance video of any of this so we’ve included a 24 second video of Justine Bieber getting hit in the head with a water bottle. Includes super replays.]

We’re thinking the family probably paid her bail. It probably wasn’t the guy who lives in the backyard shed. But you never know.

And you’ll never know shit reading “news stories.” The new journalism has nothing to do with facts. It’s all filler, folks.

M. Nick