Dispatch: Irritating Silicon Valley-Girl Lecturing Everyone On YouTube About WikiBuy
For a while there you couldn’t look at anything on YouTube without having to wait out the irritating WikiBuy ad. And no, we don’t have YouTube Premium up here in Orbit, NASA won’t spring for it. WikiBuy is some kind of service or app that compares Amazon prices with those of other online venues. The ad features a young woman with lank blond hair and a whiny voice. She annoys the shit out of me. The ad disappeared for quite a while, but just today I got it again.
The first of her many irritating qualities is her voice.
Why do I find her so annoying? The first of her many irritating qualities is her voice. Flat, somewhat nasal, she’s gotta be outta the midwest. She starts out: “If you shop on Amazon, you should be using WikiBuy.” Which brings us to the second of her irritating qualities: telling me what I should do.
I don’t like people telling me what I should do. Keep your opinion to yourself, is my attitude. I would absolutely hate for SlackGirl there to stick her hatchet face over my back fence whining, “What you should do…”
The woman annoys me in a lot of ways. Why’d they pick her, anyway? Is she some hipster’s wet dream, is she what passes for cutting edge in poon in 2019? She has no muscles in her arms, and probably not in the rest of her body, either. She’s as slack as her hair. While she’s still young it’s not really a problem for anyone, but when she gets older and that skin gets looser and crepey, whoa! Get me outta here…
You remember Valley Girls, don’t you?
This incipient shrew will become somebody’s nightmare wife, briefly anyway. And when she starts drinking, oh brother, this one has barfly written all over her. But for the time being she’s that WikiBuy Silicon Valley-Girl. You remember Valley-Girls, don’t you? Well I’ve decided she’s a Silicon Valley-Girl.
If you’ve been with us in Orbit long, you know we like only the shortest videos. The one herein is two minutes 25 seconds. You don’t need to watch it long before you get the idea of what a Valley-Girl sounds like.
And if you’ve never seen this ad, here’s a YouTube video by someone who hates these ads as much as we do: “The Worst Tool For Shopping On Amazon.” It’s only 35 seconds.