Dispatch: Let’s Hope Elon Musk’s Flamethrowers Work Better Than His Rockets
I’m having a little trouble making any sense of this: Elon Musk sold 20,000 stylish flamethrowers to the general public. The price was reported to be $500.00. Each. That’s 10 million dollars and they sold out in a couple days. Except I saw someplace the actual price started at $500.00. Maybe there were several models? You get the starter model, maybe it doesn’t have all the features of the silver, gold, or platinum versions. Sure, for 500 clams you get a basic flamethrower. You want the Crisp setting maybe you’re ripe for upsell. I don’t know and I’m not taking the time to find out.
Unless you’ve been on life support for a few years you know who Musk is:
Now of course unless you’ve been on life support for a few years you know who Musk is: Tesla cars, SpaceX rockets, some kind of underground tunnel transit system, and now flamethrowers. What could possibly go wrong? I don’t see why anyone would need a flamethrower, unless they were in the forest service responsible for lighting back-fires.
What does the average person need a flamethrower for except celebrating sports team victories or generalized mayhem? No valid reason. I’m even thinking these things might be dangerous. I bet just thinking about this product makes the Musk legal team nervous. Can you imagine the liability involved with misuse?
But no, Musk is not being reckless or irresponsible selling flamethrowers to the public. Certainly the marketing is dignified and responsible. Musk himself tweeted how useful the product would be in case of a fucking zombie apocalypse. “Works against hordes of the undead or your money back!” He also pointed out they would “liven up any party.” Oh boy, that Musk. What a party animal!
Billionaires have special access to pharmaceuticals . . .
Here’s a video picked for its brevity at nine seconds. It shows Musk running at the camera firing the flamethrower at you, the viewer. He’s grinning like he’s on ether, and he may well be. Billionaires have special access to pharmaceuticals through their “personal physicians.”
So, this billionaire sold 20,000 flamethrowers to members of the general public. Probably most of them in California. Where there were rampant wildfires for about six months. Gee, kinda makes you think.
Now, in seeing peripheral links I see there are other, supposedly better flamethrowers available for sale. I didn’t know that. I bet most of the people who bought Musk’s flamethrowers didn’t either. No, for most of us to become aware of the availability of flamethrowers, it took a rock star culture hero like Elon Musk. I mean, he’s an institution, right?
Uh, never mind. Elon’s got this. He knows what he’s doing.
I can’t imagine there being any problems…