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Dispatches From Orbit

Dispatch: Another Confusing Day In The “News” Featuring Facial Urine, A Trans Playboy Model, And Kneelers”

OrbitOctober 19, 20172017-10-19T15:45:13+00:00

Oh no. No. Now they’re just fucking with you. Of course, it’s The Sun over there on dot co dot uk. It’s not like you could go lower on the journalistic scale, but still, are there enough morons to support…

Dispatch: Man Beating Supermarket Employee With Loaf Of French Bread Arrested

Orbit September 22, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-15T14:20:44+00:00

Baguette in SF Supermarket Incognito Now here’s a feel-good story if there ever was one. SF Chron headline: “Police: Supermarket employee beaten with baguette by local man.” This one is close to my heart (more…)

Dispatch: Pope Sustains Head Injury In Popemobile Then Blasts Climate Deniers From Papal Plane

Orbit September 11, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-19T14:17:27+00:00

Here’s a pretty whack headline for you: “Pope blasts climate change doubters: cites moral duty to act.” Okay first of all, do we need to know what the Pope thinks about anything? (more…)

Next Embedding Test

admin August 17, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-06T09:51:36+00:00

Alright, we're learning how to embed video and flow text around it. As soon as the eggs come out of the ice water, peel off the shells. The eggs are as contracted as they can be (more…)

EMBEDDING TEST

admin August 17, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-26T16:00:12+00:00

Okay, the video goes in under this: Now to flow text around the

Dispatch: Hillary And Chelsea In Fatal Boating Accident. Is One DOA, One in ICU?

Orbit August 5, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-26T20:49:51+00:00

Hillary and Chelsea killed in boating accident? Yeah, it’s always been my contention when a headline asks a question, the answer is invariably “no.” Now I’ve done it with my own headline. Why would I do that? (more…)

Dispatch: Reality Is Now Old Sci-Fi

Orbit July 31, 2017 Comments Off2017-08-14T18:40:00+00:00

A friend of mine made some remark about the Drudge Report. I told him, "I go to Drudge whenever I want to scare the shit out of myself." Like today’s big headline: (more…)

Dispatch: News Story Made For A Sexist, Racist Comedian

Orbit July 28, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-26T15:05:00+00:00

Zergnet is a breathless fanboy commercial blog, mostly about celebrities. I saw a story there today about an actor they claim has a “shady side.” I wish the mainstream media would get the picture already: (more…)

Dispatch: Assange Takes It To The Next Level

Orbit July 16, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-11T13:11:52+00:00

Recently, I saw a photo of Julian Assange online. He’s a dead ringer for Bill Maher. However you spell his name. It isn’t worth me looking it up. You know who I mean. Maher is nearly Assange's doppelganger. (more…)

News & Opinion

THIS EXPOSÉ ON JAW DROPPING HYPERBOLE WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU!!!

OrbitOctober 3, 20172017-10-10T10:09:12+00:00

There are an awful lot of reckless promises being made about web content these days. Hyperbole is rampant. You know what “hyperbole” means (more…)

Egg Salad News: Food Choices Of The Lazy And Near Comatose

Orbit September 26, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-27T18:44:20+00:00

I was getting milk out of the refrigerator for my coffee and thinking about making egg salad today. As I (more…)

Greeks Busted In Brazen Trigonometry Scam By 3700 Year Old Clay Tablet

Orbit September 14, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-05T14:37:22+00:00

Alright, the big scam the fucking Greeks have pulled off for a couple thousand years, that they invented trigonometry, has now been busted. The Babylonians (more…)

Attention Whore Called Fat, Wigs Out, Jumps Out Of Plane Naked Playing Violin

Orbit August 30, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-13T17:57:10+00:00

Playing the violin as he parachutes from an airplane naked. Okay, so somebody in the band made a remark about this attention whore’s “tubby” stomach. The guy got wiggy and his life became an obsession about that remark. (more…)

Media Darling Neil deGrasse Tyson Is The Pope Of Science

admin August 18, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-10T10:24:05+00:00

I happened across a link to an article on the Reader's Digest website: “9 Truths About Life From Neil deGrasse Tyson That Will Blow Your Mind.” This annoyingly smug celebrity scientist (more…)

Crazed Raccoon Attacks Maine Woman, Fight To Death Ensues

Orbit July 31, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-26T16:13:38+00:00

I caught this on the “Midcoast Edition” of the Bangor Daily News online. This is one of those news stories made unnecessary by its headline: “Mainer attacked by rabid raccoon drowns it in puddle.” (more…)

Egg Salad News: How To Make Perfect Hard Boiled Eggs

Orbit July 27, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-26T15:57:28+00:00

Look at the yolks on those perfectly boiled eggs! Well, now that we're reviving the Egg Salad News, it’s time to put up the fool proof procedure for hard cooking eggs. (more…)

Being A Man Bun Man Is Risky Business

Orbit July 15, 2017 Comments Off2017-10-11T13:12:23+00:00

I saw a headline just now, “Men Are Hiding Baldness With Man Buns, But It’s Riskier Than You’d Think." Could it be any riskier, you think, than being an asshole with a man bun? (more…)

Montana Hikers Get Horrific Surprise

Orbit July 5, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-29T16:29:09+00:00

Okay, check this out, see if you can make any sense of it. The scenario involved certainly makes no sense to me. This story comes to us from a KXLH website. Those are call letters (more…)

Anthony Weiner Has Some “Splainin” To Do

Orbit May 19, 2017 Comments Off2017-09-19T14:19:23+00:00

So I see here in the news Anthony Weiner is to plead guilty in Federal Court today. He’s got a plea agreement; one count, and the judge decides the sentence. (more…)